Greg Boone

Author: Greg Boone

I am racist and so are you

I’ve written about white privilege on this blog in the past, and I don’t plan on stopping. The first time I was introduced to the concept was in college, in a speech given by Tim Wise. (The address he gave us was a lot like this one.) Tim talked about privilege as a pathology, a mental dysfunction that causes white folks to be afraid of others and worry about what’s coming for our status. Whether we like it or not, this pathology comes for all of us, sucking us into situations where we put the security of our privilege in front of the well being of our friends, neighbors, family, and, mostly, people we don’t know.

Tim’s words lit a fire in me, one that would lead me to seek out more voices thinking about whiteness, racism, and white privilege over the next decade and change. It also helped me change how I saw my classmates, and understood conversations about race happening on our campus. It was around then I started to grok what I now understand to be a Truth of our age: There’s no such thing as a white person who isn’t racist.

My grandparents were racist — some more obviously so; my parents, both racist; my wife, racist; my brother, racist; my wife’s parents, racists; my aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, acquaintances, co-workers past, present, and future: all of us white, all of us racist. I love them all. Some of them are in interracial relationships, many of us carried signs and marched in the streets, or wrote letters to our city, state, and federal officials this week. Doesn’t matter, we’re all still racist!

We’re racist because we represent the default power group in a white supremacist society. American capitalism, American politics, and the workaday experience of our lives were designed, supported, and perpetuated by white people around our interests often at the expense of, or at least disregard for, others. A good example of this is how every time a white person gets called racist, they take offense to it, like you accused them or serial murder or being a member of the KKK. It’s not like that!

You can be racist just by going to work and not speaking up your colleague does something more obviously racist. It’s a racist and privileged position of power to exist in that environment and plausibly not know the thing your colleague said was racist.

What do we do about that? One thing we can all do is stop taking offense when someone calls us racist. When someone says a thing you did, said, or witnessed was racist, they’re expressing their experience, trauma, and pain. By taking offense and denying them, we’re denying all of that and in the process, denying their humanity.

Another thing we can do is start reading our history. We need to stop assuming everything we learned in our high school history books was true, complete, and accurate. There were several Twitter recently asking how many people in their network learned about Tulsa in school. It was almost unanimous across different threads: Very few people learned about the largest racially motivated massacre in American history. Twitter polls are not scientific but the results are striking: Out of 5449 votes, about 376 said yes. A sea of “no” in replies. 366 votes, 71 said yes. 27,358 votes, 1,423 yes.

Another thing we didn’t learn in school was red lining. Sure we read Raisin in the Sun, but what we didn’t learn is it wasn’t just White folks in the Chicago suburbs denying Black folks access to the franchise of homeonwership. The Federal Housing Administrion played a massive role, too, by drawing lines around their neighborhoods, coloring them in red, and flagging to banks that people in their communities shouldn’t be given loans.

The curriculum are schools are made to teach is not giving us the basics, and our teachers are in a bind where events like Black Wall Street compete with the hegemonic view of the basics of our history in a short amount of time. Many Black families teach their kids about events like these because they know the schools aren’t. It’s a civic responsibility to fill in those gaps and make sure we know them, and that our kids know them.

We can also demand change. Call our elected officials and demand they recognize racism across our states and local communities and take direct action to address it. We need to become abolitionists, dedicated to tearing down the systems that unjustly corner and disproportionately affect our Black and Brown siblings.

Finally, we need to recognize that it’s not over. It’ll never be over and we need to carry that with us until the day we die.

A black man in Minnesota was killed by police on my birthday

And it wasn’t the first time.

I turned 33 on May 26 of this year. Shortly after I finished a 36 mile bike ride, news broke that a black man was killed by police in Minneapolis. His name was George Floyd. Update: A previous version of this post said he was killed on May 26. He died on the 25th but video of the killing was released on the 26th.

When I turned 28, a black man was killed by the police in New York City. His name was Dalton Branch. He was suspected of murdering his girlfriend and he opened fire on the police the day he was killed. He was never arrested. Her family, and her community, will never get justice.

When I turned 29, a black man was killed by US marshals and local police in St. Louis County, IL. His name was Devonte Gates. He was a suspect in a murder connected to a carjacking. He fled on foot, the police did not give a reason for shooting him. He was never arrested. Neither he nor victims will never have justice served.

When I turned 30, no black men were killed by police. But an unarmed Hispanic man was killed in New Mexico. His name was Hector Gamboa. He was wanted for murder and when he refused to let police into his home, they killed him. Neither he nor any of his victims will ever have justice served.

When I turned 31, no black men were killed by police. An armed white man who threatened the police was. He lived in Texas where it’s legal to be armed in public.

Last year, a black man named Terrance Bridges was killed by police in Kansas City, MO. He was armed, allegedly stole a vehicle, resisted arrest, and the office fired his weapon, killing him.

This year a black man named George Floyd was killed. Video of the murder was released on my birthday. Allegedly, he was drunk and used a counterfeit $20 bill he may not have known was fake to pay for cigarettes. The police officer was arrested, we can only hope Floyd’s family and community will receive justice.

Source: The Washington Post police shooting database, which started tracking all police shootings in 2015.

My birthday is an arbitrary day. It happened to be a day I went for a long bike ride, one I have the freedom to do, and privilege to do without being killed or arrested. It happened to be a day I tuned out the news, turned a blind eye to the rest of the world. Another choice I have the privilege to make. Millions of Americans don’t have the privilege to turn the rest of the world off, even for a day, because their skin is black.

These Americans don’t have the privilege to walk, bike, shop, or even sit in a park without being harassed or, worse, killed by the police.

A lot of people will look at the conditions in Minneapolis right now and say “well these protesters should have just stayed peaceful, they can’t expect to accomplish anything by burning the city down.” To these people I ask: What is the purpose of a society where people cannot walk freely? What is the purpose of a society where the state can execute people with no process? What is the purpose of a store, if a segment of the population cannot shop freely.

There are 500 years of injustice to repair in this country. Discounting those who point that out, demand justice, and refuse to sit peacefully while the state continually gets away with genocide is not how we start to do that. Tying the actions of a violent group to the peaceful intentions of another is not how we do that. Denying the grief and experience of the communities who continue to lose disproportionately more of their people every year is not the way to do it.

This is not a profound blog post. It’s not meant to be. Black lives matter. Hispanic lives matter. And until we all recognize that, own it, and embrace the change to prove it, we only serve to prove that no lives truly matter.

Say their names. Say them loud. Say them often. Put your money and your voice into the parts of your community doing good, and stand up against injustice everywhere.

His name was George Floyd.

Crossword: On the Web

My latest crossword is called “On the Web.” The theme is four clues around internet terminology and it’s just in time for all the folks out there who need a good excuse to get some time away from family chaos this Thanksgiving. This is my third crossword made for public consumption, the second, “Rocky Mountain Way,” published back in April featured themed clues about 14,000 foot mountains in Colorado.

A few improvements on this puzzle compared to past puzzles:

  1. A better balance of 3 letter clues and longer clues
  2. No blank clues!
  3. No duplicates!
  4. Better theme, and better clues to support it

Like Rocky, the puzzle was ultimately made using the open source software, Phil, by Keiran King. I went back to drawing out the initial draft by hand on paper for this one. Having more practice with grid design, theme development, and going back to drawing this out by hand helped improve the quality significantly.

Another thing that helped this time around was sending the puzzle to a few testers before publishing it. Thanks to everybody who played along and put up with the early release version. For everybody else, happy solving and thanks for giving my puzzle a try! If you have feedback, leave a comment or reach out some other way.

How parenting has changed me so far

Before I became a dad, a few of people told me something along the lines of “being a dad changes your brain chemistry.” The new person in the world, the unique responsibility you have for that human, and the pure joy they bring to your life rewires your brain. There’s some science to the idea that parenting builds new pathways in your brain, that fathers and mothers both new and unique hormones during pregnancy and once the baby arrives. Not exactly rewiring but upgraded wiring?

This really makes a lot of sense. Becoming a new parent, you go overnight from getting a full night’s sleep any night you want one to wondering when you’ll get a full 90 minutes again. Add to that the stress of somehow remaining a productive employee at work on low sleep. Your brain has to push itself to the limit. You want to keep up with your kid’s development and you also have a mortgage or rent to pay. Eventually, you have to cook something. Eventually, you have to go for a bike ride. Eventually, you adapt. The bizarre state of parental leave and health care in our country means that most parents have this much worse.

One thing I don’t think happens is long term changes in your brain chemistry. You might have a temporary surge of different neurotransmitters which may make the depression less visible but in the end, your brain will adapt and the chemical imbalance will return.

About a month after László was born, my mom left my dad. It was a bombastic event that, while somewhat expected, didn’t have to happen when or how it did. A lot of responsibility was thrown on my brother and me that day that cumulatively lurched my depression back to life. The easiest coping mechanism available was all to familiar: Run. Disregard. Withdraw. Dwell.

Trevor Noah recently did a great interview for WNYC’s Death Sex and Money podcast where he talked about depression. He, too, belongs to the roughly 20% of Americans suffering from depression. One thing that resonated with me about how he talked about depression is how a lot of people think it’s about being sad. It’s not about being sad. As Noah put it, it’s more like “sometimes I do not see the purpose of getting out of my bed or living life.” Sometimes, I do not see the purpose of going to my job, or baking a pie, or exercising. Other times, I obsess over things that don’t require obsession: Big things beyond any one person’s power like the sorry state of bike and transit infrastructure in the US; small things that are 100% changeable like how I’m perpetually dissatisfied with how my clothes fit. If I don’t catch myself, I fall hard.

Depression is a terribly selfish thing to suffer because your default settings indulge yourself at the expense of everyone else. Becoming a father doesn’t change any of that. I hoped it would but it doesn’t.

What it does do is give tremendous new urgency to the work of maintaining my wellness. Suddenly, the custody over a new human means the basics of my life need to be covered. I need to work smarter and can no longer defer maintenance. This means making sure medication is in my bag the night before a trip so I don’t fall behind. It means keeping up with a counselor and following through on their advice. It means setting boundaries and actionable goals instead of obsessing and dwelling on problems.

Another thing that changes is the frequency of opportunities for breaking the cycle. It’s no longer an option to not get out of bed, and it’s easier to reset and see the purpose. That baby, that infant crying in the next room, your partner sleeping beside you: that’s your purpose. If nobody gets out of bed, that child doesn’t eat, doesn’t grow, doesn’t learn, doesn’t thrive.

Of course, it’s possible to ignore all that and blaze ahead on your selfish default settings. Plenty of men did that for centuries. Doing the work helps surface those opportunities, though, and create a virtuous cycle, insulating my depression and helping me, and my family, thrive.

So how has parenting changed me? I’ve been radicalized (again, the first time was in high school). I think a lot about how intractable the privileges our family enjoys are for too many people in our country. This was perhaps most visible in the NICU where we had the privilege to sleep in the hospital and spend every possible moment by László’s side. We were keenly aware of it seeing other parents who had to find time to come into the hospital between shifts, often in uniforms. We shouldn’t live in a society where that’s possible.

When I hear politicians talk about a public option for health care or medicare for all being too costly, too hard to coordinate, all I hear is a lack of will to bring more equity to our economy and political system. When people who paid a few thousand dollars a year to go to college dismiss plans to cancel student loan debt, I hear a lack of empathy for real problems facing millions of young people in our country. When people dismiss climate change I hear ignorance and negligence to act on the number one threat to our collective future.

When I hear the most powerful people in the world spit racist vomit all over the Internet, I feel this sense of mission to raise this kid right. He has an opportunity to be a man who stands up for justice and face down the inequities and inequalities in his future, and we have an opportunity to guide and nurture him to be that person.

Rocky Mountain Way: A crossword puzzle

This is my second crossword, a 15×15 themed puzzle with 68 words. It is themed and though it’s still only an OK puzzle it’s much better than my last in some important ways.

  1. Many fewer obscure clues. The last puzzle had many clues that would be considered too obscure for a submittable puzzle. For example: “Gujarat City SANAND (6)”, “Like a Dickens abbr. SER (3)”, and “Transporter Protien inits. OATP (4)”.
  2. Better clues, or fewer misspelled words. My first puzzle had, for example, “Newsome arrested over racist flag BRI (3)” when her name is BREE (4). It’s still a good clue, I just wish I had been able to use her actual name.
  3. A far superior grid. This puzzle was done with the whole of the NYT “How to make a crossword” series complete and part 3 was immensely helpful for designing a grid that made the puzzle fun and challenging to solve.

My first crossword was designed in Numbers and exported to PDF for printing and submission. The NYT series pointed me to a new web-based and open source crossword builder called Phil. It comes with a word list built in which saved me a few trips to onelook and helped maintain symmetry as I was designing the grid. Phil also exports the puzzle to a printable PDF, including a version ready for submission, PUZ file, and an “xw” file, which appears to be just JSON under the hood.

Here’s the puzzle (and the submitable version with the solution). If you’re so inclined, give it a shot and leave your thoughts about it in the comments. Oh, and despite the improvements, I still don’t have a good clue for 38 across. But here’s a clue for 52 down

Morning smiles

There’s a period of the morning, from about 7 until 9, when I get to hang out with László on my own. I usually wake up earlier and let Danielle catch a couple hours of baby-free sleep. It’s a time I cherish because Laci has a special face he only puts on when he wakes up.

It’s a mushy, tired smile, unforced and unintentional. During the day he smiles at things. He’s starting to choose to smile at things. But these smiles, they’re the kind he might try to hide if he gets older and decides he isn’t a “morning person.”

I’ve never taken a photo of these morning smiles. They’re fast, fleeting, and hard to predict, but I also haven’t tried. We photograph László a lot, and not having this documented in digital memory is a way of keeping this for ourselves. As he gets older, finds friends, and develops a private life, I think the memory of these morning smiles will take on a new meaning, a piece of our lives that only belonged to us and him. In the mean time, they’re something to look forward to every morning when we pick him up out of his bassinet to greet the day.

How insurance companies wear you down before providing benefits

This is a story that starts with a baby. We welcomed a baby to the family last Friday. Since he was late pre-term we were in the NICU for a few days before being finally discharged on Tuesday afternoon. Before we left, a lactation consultant at the hospital said we should check with our insurance company to see if we qualify for a free breast pump. Most insurance companies cover the purchase of a breast pump with a $0 copay which is great because we need one to help us feed our premature baby.

When I called the insurance company, they said there were providers online where we could order one and have it shipped to our house, and that it usually takes a few days depending on availability. They then sent me a list of in-network providers of “durable medical goods” (DMG) near me who I could reach out to.

This list had three vendors on it. Three. For all of Colorado. I called each of them: One didn’t supply breast pumps anymore. One was actually a Target CVS and was not an in-network DMG provider. The third said we would need to get a prescription from our doctor, fax it to them with proof of insurance, and it would be delivered to us within 7-10 business days.

I’d understand the hassle if a breast pumps were dangerous, like opiods, or hard to transport, like an iron lung, but you can buy literally any breast pump you want at any of the following stores, put it in your car next to the carseat, and go home and feed your baby: CVS, Wallgreens, Target, some grocery stores with large pharmacies, the hospital gift shop where our baby was born, any of the other hospitals in Denver, baby stores like The Mammahood, and probably a few other places I don’t even know about.  There are also zillions of them available on Amazon if you can wait a couple days. These are widely available commodities. It shouldn’t be such a hassle to get one to us.

I’d also understand the hassle of breast pumps were expensive, but they’re not. Our insurance will cover up to $165.04 and you can buy a pretty decent one for less than that! So why, then, does it take going through a medical supply company with a prescription to buy something that costs so little? Even if there’s a small amount of waste and fraud in the system, the costs of processing all of the paper work alone must balance out to more unless the insurance company is getting a hell of a deal on these pumps. Think about it, to get this breast pump so far has involved:

  • An hour of my time on the phone with the insurance company and the in-network providers who can fulfill this benefit.
  • Roughly an hour total of time spent by doctors, nurses, and medical assistants helping us issue the prescription and navigate the process.
  • Pump rental while we wait at an (admittedly affordable) rate of $4 per day. If the DMG provider takes the full 10 business days our total not-covered, out-of-pocket, not-FSA/HSA eligible costs will be $68-72.
  • Time spent processing the claim and prescription on the DMG provider and insurance company’s side.

According to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics, the median hourly wage for a general pediatrician is $90 per hour, $35 per hour for a Registered Nurse, and $52 for a Nurse Practitioner. Given these rates, and how many individuals in each of those professions we’ve talked to about this, it seems likely all of this totals more than $165 in total economic activity. All of this with no promise of any specific brand or type of product, leaving us consumers in the dark about what we might actually get. If we end up with a manual pump, for example, we’ll probably just go out and buy our own electric pump out of pocket.

A common argument against Medicare for all or single payer systems in the US is that private markets are more efficient and therefore provide lower costs. This a large, half-billion dollar insurance company has come up with is far from efficient and at some point consumers who can afford it will give up and buy their own out of pocket and those who can’t will either give up and pay more in rental costs or wait it out and eventually settle for whatever the PPO’s DMG provides.

There’s a much simpler solution if you cut out all the bullshit wrapped up in the business model of preferred provider network-dependent insurance companies. A single payer like Medicare could simply issue a coupon to us for $165.04 and obligate any retail store selling breast pumps to take it much like how grocery stores are obligated to accept SNAP benefits. Then, no matter where you live, or where or how you delivered your baby, you can redeem the benefit you’re entitled to with little economic friction.

Better yet, institutions like hospitals and birthing centers could simply give the mom a pump upon discharge and let CMS know. This option also reduces the risk for fraud because it has a built-in mechanism for verifying whether the person in question did in-fact need a breast pump.

Also, WTF is this $165.04 business. Just round it down to $165.

Reducing dependence on Amazon

A couple years ago, I fell in love with Amazon Subscribe & Save. I thought it would be handy to have more toilet paper, shampoo, cat litter, and other things we use on the regular shipped straight to us when we ran out. It worked better for some things — like cat food and litter, which we run through more predictably —  than others. We ended up with like a year’s supply of paper towels. It was included in Amazon Prime and we even got a small discount for scheduling more things together.

Dash buttons took us to a whole next level. How convenient, I thought, to be able to just order more of the exact thing I needed at the press of a button. So I got one for paper towels, trash bags, and laundry detergent and promptly cancelled all of our Subscribe and Save.

The thing with Amazon is, they have all kinds of convenient things like this. Amazon Prime itself is super convenient but do we really need it? No. As I’ve started to learn the social cost of these conveniences, I’ve begun thinking twice about whether the convenience is worth the cost.

We cancelled our Prime membership a couple months ago.

Amazon’s impact on Seattle

While Amazon has added thousands of jobs to the city of Seattle, it has also made it a dramatically expensive and inequitable city to live in. The company’s rapid growth has caused a housing shortage to become a housing drought, with the city unable to keep up with demand, despite building new apartments fast than any other city in the country. This wouldn’t be terrible in and of itself but the company doesn’t seem to be doing anything to neutralize the inequities it’s created in the city. Shrugging it off instead as the price of having a company of its size in the community.

Commerce ethics

Jeff Bezos is the world’s richest person. One might think that means working for his company must be lucrative, right? Maybe it is if you’re one of their software developers, but if you’re one of their delivery drivers, not so much. Amazon Flex pays well for an hourly job, but like many gig economy jobs, employees don’t get the guarantees and protections that full-time employment would carry, and even fewer still than a union-represented job.

Warehouse workers, too, don’t see much share of the fortune being made off of our Prime membership. In fact, several stories in the last couple years have illustrated the social cost of rapid delivery and the conditions endured by the invisible workforce behind Amazon’s product. While $120 per year may be the appropriate price consumers are willing to pay for this product, if that price can’t support the infrastructure keeping it running, it’s not worth supporting.

Too Big to Quit?

Amazon is everywhere. They’re increasingly diversifying their product line to the point where you can get an Amazon brand anything. I have to admit they’re doing a pretty good job of it.

I own several AmazonBasics products because they’re cheaper and about as good as other brands. Walmart, Target, and other big box stores all have their off brands, and AmazonBasics isn’t much different, except that they make basically everything. Amazon Prime Video, too, is turning out some excellent original programs that deserve to be made. I’m glad Amazon is giving them a chance. Finally, Amazon Web Services is inescapable and invisible from most choices you make on the web. One thing these three Amazon products have in common is that they’re really good at what they do. Together with acquisitions like Whole Foods make Amazon increasingly difficult to escape. (A seemingly-local coffee roaster here in Denver is actually owned by Whole Foods and, now, indirectly Amazon.) They’re yet another agglomerate company endemic to modern life.

Just as we can’t stop our bank from selling our mortgage to a giant commercial bank, we can choose to put our microeconomic choices into local businesses. Just as we can bank with a local credit union or community bank, we can choose not to give Amazon $120 every year just for access to their elite delivery service.

We can still get free delivery, it just takes longer without Prime — as long or longer even than the free delivery options from competitors like Target, if our recent experience is any indication. The forcing function of this is that we now seek out things we need quickly from local sources. This sometimes includes big box stores like Target, but also includes the shops in our neighborhood as well. Target may be a big box, but they pay a fair wage to our neighbors and full time employees there have the guarantees and protections that one should expect from a good job.

Some specialized items may only be purchasable from Amazon, but it’s increasingly worth the effort to be more conscious about the social costs of our spending.

Open letter to Sen. Cory Gardner of CO

Dar Senator Gardner,

It’s a good thing your President bailed you out on taking action to end child separation. Despite the fact that he said it was only something Congress could do, he managed to end his own policy of separating children at the border.

I still wonder, sometimes, when I see children peacefully strolling their children in my NW Denver neighborhood, how you can sleep at night knowing you were complicit in allowing our government to forcibly separate children from their parents.

I wonder, when I see children with their parents hiking to an alpine lake, why you declined to put your name on Sen. Feinstein’s bill that was introduced while the President insisted his hands were tied.

When I see children waiting at the airport with their parents of to destinations where they’ll assuredly be allowed to stay together upon arrival, I wonder why you decided a letter to AG Sessions from 12 Senators would be more effective than a bipartisan bill sponsored by 50.

When I see parents drop their kids off at the preschool I pass on my way to work, I wonder what you’re doing today, what you did yesterday, and what you’ll do tomorrow, to reunite these families currently imprisoned by our democratic government. Families who are being denied their liberty.

When I see you brag about being the “8th most bipartisan Senator” I wonder what that means when you fail to reach across the aisle over something so fundamental to humanity — keeping children with their families.

I wonder if you truly believe that people would flee their native countries with their children, risking their lives and permanently abandoning their communities, property, and histories, just to come to our country and commit crimes? How far do you take this theory? Do you also believe asylum seekers are actors? Do you believe every individual attempting to cross the border is definitely a member of MS-13?

Are you aware that MS-13 is a gang that originated in the United States? Are you aware that the violence people are fleeing in Central American countries was originally intimated by the United States?

Coloradans are tired of your 12 senator letters. We’re tired of your acquiescence to the President’s cruelty and acceptance of his falsehoods. We need real action, Senator. We need legislation. We need the majority party to govern. And we needed it last week.

Greg Boone